Children turn parents

Have been watching this transition in them when they turned 16,17...........Son who was youngest to my daughter still believed I was Goddess on Mother Earth till then.If given to panic they'd just say, 'Çhill,mother'.

Once when my daughter's friend's mother visited me ,both girls were sitting on the edges of the chairs and gawked in silence as to what what we would say next.Who would imagine just a while ago,they would blindly just listen to us when we disciplined them.I do the same with my mother,though a lot mildly.Our generation did'nt know the words, 'chill', 'relax' to be used on parents.If the circumstances demanded or I talked a wee bit more ,they'd probably store us in a freezer the way they tell ask us to 'chill' .

These days I try and talk less literally,try to talk sense most of the time,lest I'm talked to and asked to 'chill'.

New laptop

My small,cute laptop seems so tiny from the rest that I've been used to.Feel very protective towards it,feel should'nt load it too much with stuffs as well,am told that its got a huge disk space though...........Guess its just a motherly feeling on my part as I have never owned one before pluss its so,so tiny.

Earlier I used to steal moments on others,leave all important tasks to attend to my computer work as I did not want to inconvenience anyone,ignoring the bellowing,'who deleted this/that of mine?''Its was almost like staying in someonelse's home ,being obliged............

Dignity!!!!!!!!

What does one do when one is shorn of it time and again and is asked not to say a word for to speak,clear air is impulsive,callous. That too for more than three decades now. My Ma used to say 'mention her name otherwise she won't attend the do...............'. Am AMAZED at myself! Would love to interact with people who are in similar situations and have cracked it.Wonder if my decision was right several years ago 'tho' did'nt take the plunge as was emotionally blackmailed.Its been years since I've looked at life like you know that hurt and that pinched.Gape at people who say 'I felt so hurt ,you know.......'.
Should I remain thankful as was ingrained always,'Be thankful you have food to eat,clothes to wear............Guess because Baba taught me this line,'I wanted to buy a pretty pair of shoes till I saw someone who had no feet'.I wonder if I've pushed myself too hard,always.Is/was there a need?Have I no right to breathe easy?Don't know if I'll ever get my answers,I've already delayed it immensely.