Dignity!!!!!!!!

What does one do when one is shorn of it time and again and is asked not to say a word for to speak,clear air is impulsive,callous. That too for more than three decades now. My Ma used to say 'mention her name otherwise she won't attend the do...............'. Am AMAZED at myself! Would love to interact with people who are in similar situations and have cracked it.Wonder if my decision was right several years ago 'tho' did'nt take the plunge as was emotionally blackmailed.Its been years since I've looked at life like you know that hurt and that pinched.Gape at people who say 'I felt so hurt ,you know.......'.
Should I remain thankful as was ingrained always,'Be thankful you have food to eat,clothes to wear............Guess because Baba taught me this line,'I wanted to buy a pretty pair of shoes till I saw someone who had no feet'.I wonder if I've pushed myself too hard,always.Is/was there a need?Have I no right to breathe easy?Don't know if I'll ever get my answers,I've already delayed it immensely.

When relationships don't work

..............you hold on to your kids like never before, knowing too well that this might snap too! It's a very very insecure feeling. You try and divert yourself by reading,exercising but the unhappy ,insecure feeling is there ,haunting you all the time.

Its even worse when children grow up and leave home. You long for that one email and always check to see if they are online in their waking hours. Its even more when all along one has not chalked one's social life and have been totally devoted to the children, even if it meant wrapping their gifts for the birthdays they had to go to.Their stay at home is so very short !

Feel happy that out of all this,they have emerged to be nice ,sensitive human beings. Hope they always remain so .One day might feel a proud 'Mamma' ,that the time inveseted on them was truly worth it.