How would I know?

Homecoming,written in March,was lying in a draft.To write one must lead a lesser hectic life.All it needed was to push the 'publish' button which I pressed today.Strangely its time to vent my feelings yet again.

Daughter left two days back. The house seemed strange till our son decided to give us a two days' treat. He left a few hours ago.  The house doesn't seem nice at all. Kyra refuses to eat anything ,even her favourite MARIE remains untouched in a corner. Eyes seem teary and there seems to be dry tear stains running down her cheek.Tell her to be brave and she looks away,almost saying,' How would you know?' Daughter speaks to her on phone on reaching and she has the next meal and goes for a roll in the grass. Next meal she's back to square one. Guess got to cancel my swimming today.

When we go out without Kyra,we put on extra lights and definitely 98.4 FM.The other day,a visiting friend,found this immensely funny,especially when the whole family trooping out  discussed in the car that the present song playing was not Kyra's favourite. We got her hair trimmed too as daughter rightly pointed out 'let her go through everything in one go.' All dogs get depressed when their fur is cut. Funny people! I would love to have a crew cut in this heat and only if my husband did not sulk at the very mention. And yes,how would I know??!!


    

Homecoming!

The time spent was great with the guitar strumming on and off,everybody,mostly we women shouting at the the top of our voices,saying,'as I was saying.......' Even managed to see Kahaani,a brilliantly made movie in this short span of time.

The house never seemed so quiet ever before. Guess it will take sometime.Daughter's words ,'Could I not stay back?' on the way to the airport kept ringing in my ears for long. She just rang up to say she's reached and having noodles(the Maggi kind!). US seems so so far away,especially if you know the child misses home a lot.Shall get used to it I suppose. Looking forward to her visit in May for 3 weeks although she plans to visit Nani,Bhai etc as well. It will do,I keep telling myself..

GM,grand master

Am snooty in some ways as I've never taken up teaching in lesser known schools although I wear mostly non-branded clothes,don't know why I'm mentioning the latter though....,kids too say I am as one day our Golden Retriever,wagging her tail,walked in with the most ugly looking thing on earth,a street Mongrel.I rushed to the gate to confirm if it was left open by my absent-minded son.OMG!she had done it!!!!!!!I rushed her to the vet as I wanted to be the GM(g'mother) of only a litter of cute looking Golden Retrievers.He operated upon her and advised me to spay her as it was healthier for her in the long run.So till date,I could never become a GM.Wonder how Kyra feels about not having become a mother ever.She looks upon our kids as her own.Now they are older but when they were small,Kyra used to jump on me,if I ever scolded them,barking and snarling at the same time.Whenever the kids would get into a physical fight,she would seperate them,doing the same.Now whenever they visit home for a short time,she shivers with happiness with her tail making a THUD THUD noise .When they leave,she waits by the main gate and takes to her old habits ....puking and not eating.The kids are coming for a short stay.She'll be dressed up and taken in the car to fetch them.She knows the way to the airport very well.

Off late she has started rebelling too.When we go out,we come to find the drawing-room in a mess.If you explain to her,especially if I take on the task,she yawns on my face.She loves cake cutting.We are going to do that when we fetch the kids as we've missed all their birthdays.Have baked a small one for kyra too.As the older one has demanded for christmas cakes,baked three of them this morning with Kyra sitting patiently by the kitchen door.She just cannot wait to have a piece!

Kyra hates bathing.I wanted to bathe her today but somehow Gurgaon is enjoying a late winter this time and so I decided not to.She loves if the whole family sits in the lobby to gossip.She places herself right in the middle,almost in a participative mode. She has a problem understanding the Queen's language but never has a problem with our native .She's the senior most amongst us now.I dread the day she will leave as I'll never inform our kids living so far away.They will hate me for that but yes I will tell them later when they come home again.This way it will be less hard on them.

Birdies have grown wings now..

Had almost forgotten to visit DELO till a dear friend asked me about it.I reread my old blogs and God! they need to be edited.Time has flown by,lots and lots have happened.Younger birdie is a graduate now and is working as well.The older birdie too has done us proud by getting in in one of the prestigious institute in the US.Visited both a month back and realised haven't done badly as a parent.The touching moments were when older birdie drove me some 100 miles (without a liscense!) to visit a temple in the US on Baba's 33rd death anniversary.Can never forget the visit.This temple was in Cary and we just hugged each other and sat there for a good one hour.

Younger birdie gifted me his visiting card on arrival and took me for a romp at 4.30 in the morning as it was also a town I grew up partly in.Almost taking off from work by slogging up in the nights, he gave me a great time .We visited this zoo and talked and talked as he was going through this low phase personally.Hence the visit...

Both are coming down this weekend for 2-3 days as the older one is visiting India on a project and the younger one is coming down to see his Didi.Whenever our kids leave for long,our four legged Kyra has a habit of puking for days together ,abstain from food and sit in front of the main gate waiting for them.She never had a litter(that's also another story by itself)and considers our birdies to be her own.

Children turn parents

Have been watching this transition in them when they turned 16,17...........Son who was youngest to my daughter still believed I was Goddess on Mother Earth till then.If given to panic they'd just say, 'Çhill,mother'.

Once when my daughter's friend's mother visited me ,both girls were sitting on the edges of the chairs and gawked in silence as to what what we would say next.Who would imagine just a while ago,they would blindly just listen to us when we disciplined them.I do the same with my mother,though a lot mildly.Our generation did'nt know the words, 'chill', 'relax' to be used on parents.If the circumstances demanded or I talked a wee bit more ,they'd probably store us in a freezer the way they tell ask us to 'chill' .

These days I try and talk less literally,try to talk sense most of the time,lest I'm talked to and asked to 'chill'.

New laptop

My small,cute laptop seems so tiny from the rest that I've been used to.Feel very protective towards it,feel should'nt load it too much with stuffs as well,am told that its got a huge disk space though...........Guess its just a motherly feeling on my part as I have never owned one before pluss its so,so tiny.

Earlier I used to steal moments on others,leave all important tasks to attend to my computer work as I did not want to inconvenience anyone,ignoring the bellowing,'who deleted this/that of mine?''Its was almost like staying in someonelse's home ,being obliged............

Dignity!!!!!!!!

What does one do when one is shorn of it time and again and is asked not to say a word for to speak,clear air is impulsive,callous. That too for more than three decades now. My Ma used to say 'mention her name otherwise she won't attend the do...............'. Am AMAZED at myself! Would love to interact with people who are in similar situations and have cracked it.Wonder if my decision was right several years ago 'tho' did'nt take the plunge as was emotionally blackmailed.Its been years since I've looked at life like you know that hurt and that pinched.Gape at people who say 'I felt so hurt ,you know.......'.
Should I remain thankful as was ingrained always,'Be thankful you have food to eat,clothes to wear............Guess because Baba taught me this line,'I wanted to buy a pretty pair of shoes till I saw someone who had no feet'.I wonder if I've pushed myself too hard,always.Is/was there a need?Have I no right to breathe easy?Don't know if I'll ever get my answers,I've already delayed it immensely.