New laptop

My small,cute laptop seems so tiny from the rest that I've been used to.Feel very protective towards it,feel should'nt load it too much with stuffs as well,am told that its got a huge disk space though...........Guess its just a motherly feeling on my part as I have never owned one before pluss its so,so tiny.

Earlier I used to steal moments on others,leave all important tasks to attend to my computer work as I did not want to inconvenience anyone,ignoring the bellowing,'who deleted this/that of mine?''Its was almost like staying in someonelse's home ,being obliged............

Dignity!!!!!!!!

What does one do when one is shorn of it time and again and is asked not to say a word for to speak,clear air is impulsive,callous. That too for more than three decades now. My Ma used to say 'mention her name otherwise she won't attend the do...............'. Am AMAZED at myself! Would love to interact with people who are in similar situations and have cracked it.Wonder if my decision was right several years ago 'tho' did'nt take the plunge as was emotionally blackmailed.Its been years since I've looked at life like you know that hurt and that pinched.Gape at people who say 'I felt so hurt ,you know.......'.
Should I remain thankful as was ingrained always,'Be thankful you have food to eat,clothes to wear............Guess because Baba taught me this line,'I wanted to buy a pretty pair of shoes till I saw someone who had no feet'.I wonder if I've pushed myself too hard,always.Is/was there a need?Have I no right to breathe easy?Don't know if I'll ever get my answers,I've already delayed it immensely.

When relationships don't work

..............you hold on to your kids like never before, knowing too well that this might snap too! It's a very very insecure feeling. You try and divert yourself by reading,exercising but the unhappy ,insecure feeling is there ,haunting you all the time.

Its even worse when children grow up and leave home. You long for that one email and always check to see if they are online in their waking hours. Its even more when all along one has not chalked one's social life and have been totally devoted to the children, even if it meant wrapping their gifts for the birthdays they had to go to.Their stay at home is so very short !

Feel happy that out of all this,they have emerged to be nice ,sensitive human beings. Hope they always remain so .One day might feel a proud 'Mamma' ,that the time inveseted on them was truly worth it.

When relationships don't work

..............you hold on to your kids like never before, knowing too well that this might snap too! It's a very very insecure feeling. You try and divert yourself by reading,exercising but the unhappy ,insecure feeling is there ,haunting you all the time.

Its even worse when children grow up and leave home. You long for that one email and always check to see if they are online in their waking hours. Its even more when all along one has not chalked one's social life and have been totally devoted to the children, even if it meant wrapping their gifts for the birthdays they had to go to.Their stay at home is so very short !

Feel happy that out of all this,they have emerged to be nice ,sensitive human beings. Hope they always remain so .One day might feel a proud 'Mamma' ,that the time inveseted on them was truly worth it.

Its exactly a month!

Its one month today and our son's bravery impressed me beyond words.He left but not once did he breake down in front of any of us.He held on till the very end,when we know he's gone much against his wishes.Hope god gives him lots of strength like his father has.
Wonder how its for others when their children leave home at the raw age of 17 and that too so,so far away.Some say why r u so upset?I tell them we'll exchange notes when their time comes.Or is it because i was too close to my kids and was'nt prepared for this?Like i took a long,long time to recover from my brother's departure.We were very close too.Guess,never should we take anybody for granted.Neverthe less,i donot regret giving my 101% to my kids and brother.I love these three very,very dearly.Shall remember the happy times and live the rest of my life.

nest's shrinking!

Time to say goodbye to one of my birdieS!This has actually taken me by much surprise,too soon!Thought will fly around the nest for some more time.The birdie was hoping for this too..............this is what has saddened me the most.All i ask God is give him lots of mental strength to be away.....initial few months are going to be tough for him.

The question is how do i block the thought of his departure and be tearless and brave when its time to say goodbye.Wish i didnt believe in handling my birdies single-handedly!I think this stemmed from the fact that i knew only my ayah and she ,whe she did,left me without a second glance.Even today i want to go and meet her just one more time.Don't think she would ever guess what her going did to me.

funny weather!

It's funny weather out here!Time for winter to go away and it's raining hail!There has been rain for the last 3 days and it's nippy.I'd almost finished hovering blankets,washed woollens to keep away.....What a lot of work again!It's cloudy again today and it's threatening to rain anytime now.
Believe Hilary C has taken up the issue of GLOBAL WARMING, the Americans have let out more gaseous emissions than any other.In India the MET is normally wrong in its predictions even on a daily basis.It's a serious issue and nobody seem to be talking about it here.