Sounding boards...

Its difficult to hold too many thoughts in mind.Its best to unleash at times,depending on time constraints of course. Need undisturbed space,time to do it though...

Was just watching younger,enthusiastic mothers how they must 'teach' their children the best be it values,winning/losing,and even mundane stuffs like handwriting(there are classes for it today!)Today's mothers are so focused,determined to give in their very best in parenting.Is it because the world has shrunk with no support system and they have barely other distractions other than immediate family and work(if any). They read,recommend  books,sites. Intuition,mostly stemming from being a mother,do not exist any longer. Forum discussions are also today's support system...sometimes even going to the lengths of prescribing medications.

Adolescent issues are dealt with after reading books or surfing the net.School counsellors are doing well too. But ask the latter how he/she was dealing with her kids,there is mostly not a very happy picture there.

How did our mothers solve issues? By calling up this aunt or that? Speaking about issues loudly about it too! Didn't we mostly learn by watching,making mistakes?Would I be wrong in saying we were less mollycoddled,protected? At least,I was amongst 3 siblings,me the girl amongst boys. That too made be very strong and more so because I lost my father very young and that he would jump to my defence once in a while untill my baby brother decided to announce his arrival!

Guess its all to do with generation comparison.We all do it at some point in life.Our mothers/in laws....all did it too! We at least can blog,give vent through written words!Or are we very good with words these days? Most have to tweet,debate,blog,FB....suddenly the social sites are our sounding boards!!!

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Sounding boards...

Its difficult to hold too many thoughts in mind.Its best to unleash at times,depending on time constraints of course. Need undisturbed space,time to do it though...

Was just watching younger,enthusiastic mothers how they must 'teach' their children the best be it values,winning/losing,and even mundane stuffs like handwriting(there are classes for it today!)Today's mothers are so focused,determined to give in their very best in parenting.Is it because the world has shrunk with no support system and they have barely other distractions other than immediate family and work(if any). They read,recommend  books,sites. Intuition,mostly stemming from being a mother,do not exist any longer. Forum discussions are also today's support system...sometimes even going to the lengths of prescribing medications. There's do much informed all over how to parent a child. Ibhad no support system and a workaholic husband in tow. Trusted my gut while bringing them up. Maybe I was wrong most times than right but as I say all teachers,mothers are not born knowing it all but if you enjoy the role,you mostly get most issues right, right?

Adolescent issues are dealt with after reading books or surfing the net.School counsellors are doing well too. But ask the latter how he/she was dealing with her kids,there is mostly not a very happy picture there.

How did our mothers solve issues? By calling up this aunt or that? Speaking about issues loudly about it too! Didn't we mostly learn by watching,making mistakes?Would I be wrong in saying we were less mollycoddled,protected? At least,I was amongst 3 siblings,me the girl amongst boys. That too made be very strong and more so because I lost my father very young who
 would jump to my defence once in a while untill my baby brother decided to announce his arrival!

Guess its all to do with generation comparison.We all do it at some point in life.Our mothers/in laws....all did it too! We at least can blog,give vent through written words!Or are we very good with words these days? Most of us have to tweet,put up posts on FB,blog or are we becoming lonelier?

Vacuum previous pieces of my life...

I read books to them,telling stories of mother and child and my youngest is aware of it!
The nest today has been vacated and I miss the birdies sorely,very very sorely. In fact that's an understatement!!

People say being a mother is tough and challenging.I say,its very tough when the birdies leave. Bringing them up was somehow was a breeze and rather enjoyable. I watch the mother bird very keenly in the early morning hours and admire her attitude of 'move on!'

I used to be one of those moms who drove herself to the hospis for check ups,delivery all on her own. Husband had a demanding job. Never kept a nanny to look after them perhaps as I was brought up by one and noticed the job was always delegated. Gave up my job every time they were born and the workaholic best father(wonder how he did it really!) in the world,was nowhere to be seen most of the time. My mother didn't know,wouldn't know that she had to be there when I delivered. Well,she didn't fly down when I delivered my eldest overseas.In between I lost my second and I never shared! She came visiting much after the youngest was born and she left.
A friend whose in laws looked after her three,while she romped around the world constantly,cautioned me once,'wonder what you will do when they leave'. I understand today what she meant.

I miss them SO MUCH this afternoon! There is no logic,no explanation to why/how.

The Princess...

Kyra has stopped eating after the kids left.When its time to say goodbye,Kyra  always  looks indifferent...simply turns her head and looks the other way at the airport.Daughter asked many a time,'Mamma,will I see her again?' This time the daughter gifted herself and brother two stone clad golden retrievers brought carefully packed from the US.Brother bubble wrapped it all over again before carefully packing it in.Kyra came to us on daughter's 18th birthday,also on the day this house went on to become a two storeyed house..on Chaat Dhalai.

11 years ago we met her sister Jonaki at a local market.Jonaki's cuteness prompted me to ask her mistress where she had got her from.She guided us to Kyra and her siblings.One look and me and the kids knew which pup to take home out of the seven before us.Kyra would never let the children have physical fights.If they did,she would 'bark' them down,jumping on them to stop.Today she's hardly able to bark at a stranger!

Rambling....

House is all empty once again.Daughter visited for 22 days and stayed glued so much so that even slept with me.Son visited for two days,did the same.They all left together,with better half having to go to my favourite city as someone very dear passed away.With everybody leaving,Kyra ofcourse lived up to her reputation.She decided to fall sick!Fever is on the rise,can't make out much other than that.At times it seems as if something is stuck in her throat...the guttural sound is anything but pleasant.

Hate winter evenings....its all so quiet after 7.Went for a brisk walk after a long,long time as two falls in a row had incapacitated me.To think I fell on the eve of my 50th and then again a month back .Better half just had his eye surgery when I  decided to fall again for the second time,this time hurting most where my disc is.The massive house and the severe winter is delaying the healing too.

Injury and me are inseparable.Stationary motorbike falling on me,driver deciding to drive the car on my left foot and then again the heavy cart going over my left foot at Chandini Chowk ,the road accident driving me to surgery which never solved the problem...People have started taking me lightly when they know I've injured myself once again.Ma tells me not to hurry,better half advising me to wear more woollens.....

Rambling always helps but wonder how the mute help themselves.

Why? Yet again?

She has to always go through a lot of struggle before she finally achieves success. She was born that way too. Had a complicated pregnancy,was hospitalised numerous times,docs could'nt feel her even in my fifth month etc,etc. She was born overseas and overseas is where she always lands herself into trouble. The number of thefts/robberies she has had to go through is not funny.What I lost sleep on was that she literally had to beg for money for survival!  Today was another bad day when early morning I was told that her passport has 29th Feb,2014 as her expiry date when 2014 does not have a 29th.  Her job internship is almost about to slip away.

She cried on Skype,'Mamma,why can't things work out fine for once?'  I have been sitting all  tensed since then,all shaken and worried. Early morning her time far away she'll have to make her way to the Indian Embassy there.Since its a technical error on their part,hope it gets rectified soon and she does'nt lose the coveted internship.

My ma-in-law taught me NOJOR JHARA. The first time MIL did it on me,I giggled as a new bride. But today I do it on my family,thinking she's blessing them yet again. Feeling much better after penning down all this. Hope to God she maintains her brave front and sorts it with her usual efficiency.I asked her to be cool as she's not the one to tolerate inefficiency. Like mother,like daughter! To that she replíed, 'Today I might just about break down.' 

How would I know?

Homecoming,written in March,was lying in a draft.To write one must lead a lesser hectic life.All it needed was to push the 'publish' button which I pressed today.Strangely its time to vent my feelings yet again.

Daughter left two days back. The house seemed strange till our son decided to give us a two days' treat. He left a few hours ago.  The house doesn't seem nice at all. Kyra refuses to eat anything ,even her favourite MARIE remains untouched in a corner. Eyes seem teary and there seems to be dry tear stains running down her cheek.Tell her to be brave and she looks away,almost saying,' How would you know?' Daughter speaks to her on phone on reaching and she has the next meal and goes for a roll in the grass. Next meal she's back to square one. Guess got to cancel my swimming today.

When we go out without Kyra,we put on extra lights and definitely 98.4 FM.The other day,a visiting friend,found this immensely funny,especially when the whole family trooping out  discussed in the car that the present song playing was not Kyra's favourite. We got her hair trimmed too as daughter rightly pointed out 'let her go through everything in one go.' All dogs get depressed when their fur is cut. Funny people! I would love to have a crew cut in this heat and only if my husband did not sulk at the very mention. And yes,how would I know??!!


    

Homecoming!

The time spent was great with the guitar strumming on and off,everybody,mostly we women shouting at the the top of our voices,saying,'as I was saying.......' Even managed to see Kahaani,a brilliantly made movie in this short span of time.

The house never seemed so quiet ever before. Guess it will take sometime.Daughter's words ,'Could I not stay back?' on the way to the airport kept ringing in my ears for long. She just rang up to say she's reached and having noodles(the Maggi kind!). US seems so so far away,especially if you know the child misses home a lot.Shall get used to it I suppose. Looking forward to her visit in May for 3 weeks although she plans to visit Nani,Bhai etc as well. It will do,I keep telling myself..

GM,grand master

Am snooty in some ways as I've never taken up teaching in lesser known schools although I wear mostly non-branded clothes,don't know why I'm mentioning the latter though....,kids too say I am as one day our Golden Retriever,wagging her tail,walked in with the most ugly looking thing on earth,a street Mongrel.I rushed to the gate to confirm if it was left open by my absent-minded son.OMG!she had done it!!!!!!!I rushed her to the vet as I wanted to be the GM(g'mother) of only a litter of cute looking Golden Retrievers.He operated upon her and advised me to spay her as it was healthier for her in the long run.So till date,I could never become a GM.Wonder how Kyra feels about not having become a mother ever.She looks upon our kids as her own.Now they are older but when they were small,Kyra used to jump on me,if I ever scolded them,barking and snarling at the same time.Whenever the kids would get into a physical fight,she would seperate them,doing the same.Now whenever they visit home for a short time,she shivers with happiness with her tail making a THUD THUD noise .When they leave,she waits by the main gate and takes to her old habits ....puking and not eating.The kids are coming for a short stay.She'll be dressed up and taken in the car to fetch them.She knows the way to the airport very well.

Off late she has started rebelling too.When we go out,we come to find the drawing-room in a mess.If you explain to her,especially if I take on the task,she yawns on my face.She loves cake cutting.We are going to do that when we fetch the kids as we've missed all their birthdays.Have baked a small one for kyra too.As the older one has demanded for christmas cakes,baked three of them this morning with Kyra sitting patiently by the kitchen door.She just cannot wait to have a piece!

Kyra hates bathing.I wanted to bathe her today but somehow Gurgaon is enjoying a late winter this time and so I decided not to.She loves if the whole family sits in the lobby to gossip.She places herself right in the middle,almost in a participative mode. She has a problem understanding the Queen's language but never has a problem with our native .She's the senior most amongst us now.I dread the day she will leave as I'll never inform our kids living so far away.They will hate me for that but yes I will tell them later when they come home again.This way it will be less hard on them.

Birdies have grown wings now..

Had almost forgotten to visit DELO till a dear friend asked me about it.I reread my old blogs and God! they need to be edited.Time has flown by,lots and lots have happened.Younger birdie is a graduate now and is working as well.The older birdie too has done us proud by getting in in one of the prestigious institute in the US.Visited both a month back and realised haven't done badly as a parent.The touching moments were when older birdie drove me some 100 miles (without a liscense!) to visit a temple in the US on Baba's 33rd death anniversary.Can never forget the visit.This temple was in Cary and we just hugged each other and sat there for a good one hour.

Younger birdie gifted me his visiting card on arrival and took me for a romp at 4.30 in the morning as it was also a town I grew up partly in.Almost taking off from work by slogging up in the nights, he gave me a great time .We visited this zoo and talked and talked as he was going through this low phase personally.Hence the visit...

Both are coming down this weekend for 2-3 days as the older one is visiting India on a project and the younger one is coming down to see his Didi.Whenever our kids leave for long,our four legged Kyra has a habit of puking for days together ,abstain from food and sit in front of the main gate waiting for them.She never had a litter(that's also another story by itself)and considers our birdies to be her own.

Children turn parents

Have been watching this transition in them when they turned 16,17...........Son who was youngest to my daughter still believed I was Goddess on Mother Earth till then.If given to panic they'd just say, 'Çhill,mother'.

Once when my daughter's friend's mother visited me ,both girls were sitting on the edges of the chairs and gawked in silence as to what what we would say next.Who would imagine just a while ago,they would blindly just listen to us when we disciplined them.I do the same with my mother,though a lot mildly.Our generation did'nt know the words, 'chill', 'relax' to be used on parents.If the circumstances demanded or I talked a wee bit more ,they'd probably store us in a freezer the way they tell ask us to 'chill' .

These days I try and talk less literally,try to talk sense most of the time,lest I'm talked to and asked to 'chill'.

New laptop

My small,cute laptop seems so tiny from the rest that I've been used to.Feel very protective towards it,feel should'nt load it too much with stuffs as well,am told that its got a huge disk space though...........Guess its just a motherly feeling on my part as I have never owned one before pluss its so,so tiny.

Earlier I used to steal moments on others,leave all important tasks to attend to my computer work as I did not want to inconvenience anyone,ignoring the bellowing,'who deleted this/that of mine?''Its was almost like staying in someonelse's home ,being obliged............

Dignity!!!!!!!!

What does one do when one is shorn of it time and again and is asked not to say a word for to speak,clear air is impulsive,callous. That too for more than three decades now. My Ma used to say 'mention her name otherwise she won't attend the do...............'. Am AMAZED at myself! Would love to interact with people who are in similar situations and have cracked it.Wonder if my decision was right several years ago 'tho' did'nt take the plunge as was emotionally blackmailed.Its been years since I've looked at life like you know that hurt and that pinched.Gape at people who say 'I felt so hurt ,you know.......'.
Should I remain thankful as was ingrained always,'Be thankful you have food to eat,clothes to wear............Guess because Baba taught me this line,'I wanted to buy a pretty pair of shoes till I saw someone who had no feet'.I wonder if I've pushed myself too hard,always.Is/was there a need?Have I no right to breathe easy?Don't know if I'll ever get my answers,I've already delayed it immensely.

When relationships don't work

..............you hold on to your kids like never before, knowing too well that this might snap too! It's a very very insecure feeling. You try and divert yourself by reading,exercising but the unhappy ,insecure feeling is there ,haunting you all the time.

Its even worse when children grow up and leave home. You long for that one email and always check to see if they are online in their waking hours. Its even more when all along one has not chalked one's social life and have been totally devoted to the children, even if it meant wrapping their gifts for the birthdays they had to go to.Their stay at home is so very short !

Feel happy that out of all this,they have emerged to be nice ,sensitive human beings. Hope they always remain so .One day might feel a proud 'Mamma' ,that the time inveseted on them was truly worth it.

When relationships don't work

..............you hold on to your kids like never before, knowing too well that this might snap too! It's a very very insecure feeling. You try and divert yourself by reading,exercising but the unhappy ,insecure feeling is there ,haunting you all the time.

Its even worse when children grow up and leave home. You long for that one email and always check to see if they are online in their waking hours. Its even more when all along one has not chalked one's social life and have been totally devoted to the children, even if it meant wrapping their gifts for the birthdays they had to go to.Their stay at home is so very short !

Feel happy that out of all this,they have emerged to be nice ,sensitive human beings. Hope they always remain so .One day might feel a proud 'Mamma' ,that the time inveseted on them was truly worth it.

Its exactly a month!

Its one month today and our son's bravery impressed me beyond words.He left but not once did he breake down in front of any of us.He held on till the very end,when we know he's gone much against his wishes.Hope god gives him lots of strength like his father has.
Wonder how its for others when their children leave home at the raw age of 17 and that too so,so far away.Some say why r u so upset?I tell them we'll exchange notes when their time comes.Or is it because i was too close to my kids and was'nt prepared for this?Like i took a long,long time to recover from my brother's departure.We were very close too.Guess,never should we take anybody for granted.Neverthe less,i donot regret giving my 101% to my kids and brother.I love these three very,very dearly.Shall remember the happy times and live the rest of my life.

nest's shrinking!

Time to say goodbye to one of my birdieS!This has actually taken me by much surprise,too soon!Thought will fly around the nest for some more time.The birdie was hoping for this too..............this is what has saddened me the most.All i ask God is give him lots of mental strength to be away.....initial few months are going to be tough for him.

The question is how do i block the thought of his departure and be tearless and brave when its time to say goodbye.Wish i didnt believe in handling my birdies single-handedly!I think this stemmed from the fact that i knew only my ayah and she ,whe she did,left me without a second glance.Even today i want to go and meet her just one more time.Don't think she would ever guess what her going did to me.

funny weather!

It's funny weather out here!Time for winter to go away and it's raining hail!There has been rain for the last 3 days and it's nippy.I'd almost finished hovering blankets,washed woollens to keep away.....What a lot of work again!It's cloudy again today and it's threatening to rain anytime now.
Believe Hilary C has taken up the issue of GLOBAL WARMING, the Americans have let out more gaseous emissions than any other.In India the MET is normally wrong in its predictions even on a daily basis.It's a serious issue and nobody seem to be talking about it here.

when there's nothing to do!

can be killing!but what about many who claim that they wish there were more than 24 hrs in a day.There was a time when i wished it was so.Working,twokids,running the house........all of these took quite a bit of time and energy.Not that now i've retired from all of these.Most of it i shoulder,but yes,am not working anymore.Feel lost most of the time,.wondering what on earth am i doing?I think it happens to most who are educated and have worked for sometime.
I like to read and write.Also exchange and share views in writing.So have taken to the blog,but don't know how to make people read my blog and leave behind their comments.Everyday i open my blog,hoping that someone has read and written down something for me.I've hope.......

Sleeping in bliss!

I suggested to my husband to seek out SUPPORT GROUPS when he accused me of taking away the whole of the blanket for myself at night. The other day watched the movie 'Look who's talking too'. The husband decides to snip off the blanket into half in the middle of the night when the wife tries to take the whole of the blanket for herself. When I mentioned this to my husband dear he looked anything but amused.